Behind Blue Eyes Gravitation Version
by Weinerdog of Death and Doom
Summary: Ryuichi centric, just a look at his psych, I guess. No pairing... sorta. there's a he mentioned, but that can be anyone.


Disclaimer - Gravitation is not mine. If it was, then Tatsuha would've met Ryuichi by accident in a store, and then they would've gotten together and at the same time somebody coughTohmacough starts to play matchmaker with Hiro and Suguru, and then Shuichi and Yuki move to the US for some random reason… locusts? As this didn't happen, then we can say that it is not mine. GODDAMNIT!

Summery: Well, um, It's Ryuichi-centric… no pairing… sadly… Basically, Ryuichi brooding on why he isn't who he seems, and why he hides… Oh, and the "he" mentioned can be anyone. (Currently my brain keeps on shoving DNAngel characters into this…) (Just… don't ask…)

_Behind Blue Eyes_

_Gravitation Version_

**No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes**

Ryuichi walked along the road, smiling vacantly at everyone who waved to him, and ignoring where he was going. He was too deep in thought to notice all the times he was almost hit by a car. He was thinking about what everyone saw in him. He was Sakuma Ryuichi, the singer, and everyone said that he had a mental problem, because he acted like a little kid. Everyone took him at face value, and they babied him, thinking him less then he was. He couldn't imagine that anyone else had this problem… Suddenly, in an unusual display of anger, he smashed his fist on the side of a building, cracking some of the bricks.

**No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be faded  
To telling only lies**

Slowly, he drew away from the wall and stalked through the city towards the outskirts, heading along the road towards the exit. Everyone who saw him steered clear of him, sensing that the star was in a rare bad mood. As he walked he muttered something that nobody understood… He was muttering about his lie. He knew that they only kept him because of his talent, he could see it in their eyes, in their smiles, nobody really cared for him. He used to be as he pretended to be now - Eternally optimistic, always happy, and with an unending torrent of energy. But… _he_ had changed that. He had made him who he was now.

**But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be**

He dreamed all the time about him… about his face, his… his love… Everyone thought that he didn't dream, everyone thought that he had no memory, no recall, of anything at all. He, they thought, had no memory of what he had done, so he had the clearest conscience of anyone on earth, anything that he didn't want to remember was forgotten immediately. That's what they thought. He smiled, but it was a frail shadow of his usual lightening grin. "I remember more then they think…" he said aloud, a faint _heh_ punctuating it.

**I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free**

He walked along the road, which had long-since become a small road, instead of the highway. He looked vacantly at the cars ahead on the road, at the people who did a violent double take at the sight of him, at the ground in front of his feet. A scene from long ago grew in his mind, playing back at him. How he would take his revenge on all of them who ignored him, all of them who hated him…

**No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you**

If _he_ was here, then _he_ would've smiled at those thoughts and then held him, telling him that revenge was best taken slowly, and a sudden spear of pain shot through him. He could feel every negative emotion that had sprung from _his_ leaving… He once more smashed his fist against something, a tree, and left a huge mark in it.

**No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through**

He suddenly jumped back to the present, and looked at the mark. He put on a confused face, closing his soul once more, hiding behind a happy mask his pain, sorrow, anger once more safely hidden in his eyes. He rubbed his hand, which didn't hurt, and looked at the tree again. He shrugged, and walked on. He cursed himself mentally for letting that much show. Someone would call NGRecords, and Tohma would hear. They would all know where he was, and probably send a helicopter after him, to bring him back. He could never show anything, he had to remember that.

**But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be**

His dreams… what dreams could he hold to? That he would see _him_ again? That he would fall in love again? That he would forget and go back to what he had been?

**I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free**

Ryuichi stopped, his dark green hair flying everywhere as he shook his head. NO. Thinking like that would not be _good_. He would never be who he was. But he could get close… by taking revenge. Revenge on them who used him, on them who hated him, on them who didn't _see_ who he really was.

**When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool  
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool  
If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat**

A chill wind ripped through him, whipping his thin t-shirt and even thinner pants against his body. He felt a slight wetness, and looked up to see white flakes falling from the sky. Snow… He shivered, remembering that he was wearing stage clothing, designed to release heat from his body and take in as much cool air as possible. He leaned into it, moving quickly to avoid getting caught. Nobody would even notice him, and if they did, they would assume… what would they assume? The snowfall had gotten heavy, and he was wading through knee-high drifts in seconds, and a minute later it was up to his waist.

**No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes**

A familiar blast of wind swirled around his body, and he looked up once more, this time to see the familiar NGRecords 'copter. He moved quickly out of it's way, waving upwards like an idiot, his eyes bright and happy. As soon as the door opened, Tohma jumped out, bringing a coat with him. He slightly berated him, but mostly his voice was full of false relief that only Ryuichi would've heard the fake. "Tohma! I got lost again… Where's Kuma-chan?" He asked happily, just about bouncing out of his skin at his 'adventure'. Inside he laughed at them, at all of them, for thinking that he was like _that_. Tohma gave him the pink rabbit, telling him, humoring him, that Kuma-chan had been worried. Ryuichi hugged the rabbit, then they were off the ground, and he was looking out the big window with a false, happy grin on his face. The mask was back… and always, nobody would know what lay behind those blue eyes, nobody would know the real Ryuichi.

_**OWARI**_

Well, for once I didn't kill the person! Substitute who you like for _he_, Ok? I know, it's pretty bad. My feet are cold. That was random, wasn't it? Please R&R for me… I love your input!

-WdDD


End file.
